Too old.

I hate that I have come to that age where I am suddenly too old to do certain things. I’m not saying that I’m old or complaining about my age or anything, but I’m just starting to notice that there are things that a 28 year old can’t do anymore that a let’s say 25 year old can still get away with. For instance, going out, I remember when I was 25 and going out was just one of those things that I could do easily. I would go out till 5-6 in the morning. And get up the next day without even batting an eyelash. I would be tired of course, have a spinning head, yes. But I could do it. Now, I like to go out on fridays, so that I have a two day recovery period. OR I just really don’t feel like it anymore. Maybe it’s a phase, because of just getting into a relationship and being in that, I’d rather just chill with my boy on the couch and watch movies and make out and have lots of sex. But I don’t know. It feels like this is the end of really going out.

Other things I feel like I can’t do anymore now, be irresponsible and act stupid. In public. Ah, I miss those care free days when I could throw a tantrum in the middle of the super market because mommy would buy the one thing in the whole super market that I wanted. I think that throwing a tantrum is probably the most relieving thing to do. So now I do it in private, for fun. I will stomp my feet and yell and cry and call for mommy. Try it. It really is fun. And it feels great! Even if there is nothing wrong but you just feel like you need to be emotional about whatever. No one can see you, no one will know. If you trust someone enough let them be present for your tantrum and maybe even join in. I do it with my sister, boyfriend and best friend. They join in sometimes and then we laugh till we can’t breathe anymore. Such a release. I think it’s kinda like punching a wall for a boy.

The thing I hate most about my age is the inhibitions that comes with growing up. When I see a kid on the streets and he/she is just singing and dancing and running around their parents like “you can’t catch me la la la la” I can’t help but think, when does that end??? When was it deemed socially UNacceptable to sing or dance in public?? I always walk around with my music on and in my ears, and I am ALWAYS listening to something catchy or dancy and I ALWAYS catch myself bopping along with my head or my feet and sometimes when I’m waiting for a bus or tram with my knees and therefore my whole body bopping. Those are the days where I wish everyone would just dance freely, so I could enjoy my little silent disco. Or to just run after a friend and play tag or hide and seek, talk about a great work out! I remember trying to find the best place to hide, trying not to breathe, feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body at every little sound, ready to jump out of the closet and run my ass off. Loved it. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to wait to have my own little munchkins to run around with again, let my inner child do the things she wants to do.

Song on the radio:

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