I seem to have a knack for crying at everything and anything in sight. If there’s an older couple dancing together on a dance floor and he’s holder her just right my imagination goes wild and I see their entire life flash before my eyes. The children they had, the hardships they faced, sickness, the hurts, everything. My eyes start welling up and I’m done. Man, I could cry now. Dammit! Just the idea that this old old couple are still together after all those years and still seem like they’re in love is wonderful to me. In my head I know that I’m making up all these things and maybe this blissful moment is just that, a moment in time and they fight all the time bla bla bla. Cynical statement about love.
I am one of those cynical, or as I like to refer to myself, realistic people. In my own life, there is no time for fairy tales, no time for wishing on stars or dreaming about what could be. In my world, the only way to get from A to B is by yourself. You get yourself there, it is you and only you. Not in a narcissistic way, not like I’m pushing people out of the way to get where I’m going but I believe that in the end, the only person that will be there for me is me. Call me negative but I do believe that. I think what it is is a form of self preservation, making sure not to let anyone too close to ever hurt me.
But when I witness something that does not fit in the way I see the world. Something that other people believe in, something like what I described above, for a split second my world shatters and I become a hopeless romantic and day dream believer and all my defenses are down and the dams to heart open up and gush out of my eyes.
In a way I hope I change, I kinda like the feeling of believing this kind of thing is possible. You could say I’m battling my inner cynic. At the moment it’s 50/50.