Tonight

Tonight is the night. The night that my father meets the new man in my life. The one that I think is gonna stick around, the one that might just be the one. I think I’m a little nervous. Why? Because my face broke out and I have a swollen lymph node under my jaw. My mandibular lymph node to be precise. It’s swollen up to the size of a walnut. When I’m nervous, I don’t feel the nervousness but for some reason my body likes to remind me that I am nervous. So I either get the runs or I get sick in some sort of way. The lymph node doesn’t really bother me though, it’s this super intense and HUGE zit on my chin that does. It doesn’t help that I’ve been picking and squeezing at it non-stop since it erupted so that now it looks more I scraped my chin with rough sand paper for like 10 hours… It’s horrible, and no amount of make up seems to cover it.

I have no clue how it’s going to go tonight and I have refrained from trying to figure out how it’s gonna go. I am not getting my hopes up but I also don’t have a bleak outlook on things. Mostly because I really don’t feel like freaking out. I’m just gonna role with the punches and hope I don’t get hit. I am so cliche. Anyways.. what else is happening in my life…

I talked to a friend yesterday about my trust issues and she seems to have a different perspective than I do. She seems to think that it’s my relationship before this one that messed up my sense of men. Basically what happened was I had been seeing this guy for like 2 months or so, but in those 2 months I fell so head of heels completely for this guy that I was blinded to what was actually happening. This guy promised me the stars and the moon and everything in between. He said that he would be there for me and was planning a future with me. He said that he didn’t have time to play games because (and here’s where I missed the point) he had just gotten out of a 9 (!!!) year (!!!) relationship. I should have seen the warning signs. I was substitute for his ex but I wasn’t his ex. And as soon as he figured that out he informed me that (and I’m using his precise words) he could “never fall in love” with me. Ouch. Harsh. I had clearly already fallen. And having my heart ripped out and stomped on like that was a new thing. What followed were two days of boohoo, locked up in my room, not eating at all, just leaving my room for the occasional whizz on the toilet. So sad. It was bad because I had never had anyone do that to me before and I felt like I was completely unlovable. On the following monday I decided to pick my self up and throw myself into the dating scene, head first. I went on three consecutive dates that week and made myself feel better with all of the boys that wanted a piece of me. The attention did me good and on the second date I met the one that I am with now. He treated me like a queen and I told my mother about him straight away. I didn’t think it was possible to find someone like him anymore, someone who holds open doors, pays for crap and compliments you every second he gets. Trust me, I was suspicious too. I can honestly say, for the first couple of months at least, I didn’t believe a word that was coming out of his mouth. I thought that everything he was telling me was a lie and that he was just about to leave me.

I think it’s different now, I still don’t believe everything, but I’m getting there. Opening up. Letting him in. I hope I get there before I screw this up though. I love him, I really do.

 

UPDATE: It didn’t happen, my dad’s plane got cancelled. 😦

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