Being

So sick and tired of all the people getting fucking pregnant all around me. Like it’s no big deal, oh I just feel like bringing a little more life into the world. Seriously people, does nobody realize the repercussions of birthing children? I mean sure, they’re fun, for the first couple of years and then it’s just a constant whining and yammering about all the crap they want. After that they start to hate you and that goes on for about 10 years and if you have more children you could be hated for a long time. Who wants to be hated??? NOBODY! That shit sucks. It’s like sure, I brought you into this world, I made you survive, I fed, clothed and washed your ass and what do I get for it? HATE? No thank you. Then they start talking and asking why all the time and you have to give them reasons like you’re fucking GOD. Oh and the walking part happens and all you do is worry about them getting their pretty little faces hurt. And then the personalities start coming out and you can tell if your kid is gonna be an asshole or not and you wonder if it’s your fault or is it society but it’s probably the teachers, those fuckers fucked up your child. And you gotta look out for pedo’s and creepsters and hope your kid is smart enough to not join a gang or be a street thug or deal drugs or have a baby before they can handle it. Not that it ever gets any easier.

Screw you, you little bastard. You took away my life. I have no life because of you, you have my life. You STOLE MY LIFE. I give you everything. You are probably gonna ruin mommy and daddy’s perfect relationship because we can’t have sex anymore because you suck all of our energy dry. And daddy has to work over time coz he has to make more money for your little ass and he resents having to do this so he starts to hate your mommy and starts seeing other women, or maybe even whores because there are no feelings involved.

WOW. So glad I don’t have to deal with any of this shit yet, or maybe ever. Thinking very hard about whether or not to birth evil little creatures any time soon.

bebe

evil brain

Been going a little crazy lately, I know, what’s new? But I really think that this time it’s different. I really need to figure out where this crazy obsession that someone is hiding something from me needs to go. I need to figure out a way to get rid of these horrible feelings. I asked my boyfriend if he was hiding something and he said that I could go through everything of his and check his email and his computer… But there is something in the back of my head that won’t take away this feeling. Maybe it’s because of the emails I did find, disturbing pictures that he got from a way older woman. So disturbing. And the fact that he still has them. I guess I shouldn’t judge, it’s not like I didn’t do my share of bad bad things before him. I mean we all have a history, it’s just something that we come with, that we need to accept from each other. But for some reason there is still this nagging feeling. gross. mental images that will never go away!!! shivers everywhere!! Then there were other emails that I read (keep in mind, this was all before we got together) from him to random chicks. Then from him to his ex (one that caught me completely off guard seeing as it was post and pre break up) about how much he missed her blabla.. And it just struck a chord with me, about the things that he says to me now. And I know that during that relationship he was also in contact with this chick that he’s been into for years but that was never into him. So I really hope that if this chick now turns around and says that she loves him that he doesn’t just ditch me for her. I guess that’s the main issue here. I’m afraid of losing him… AH. Of course, makes sense.

I just would like every guy out there know, don’t mess with us girls, we have ways to find out if you are faithful or not. And we do not stop until we find our proof. We’re worse than the FBI and the CIA combined, we are straight up private I’s that should be paid millions because when we put our mind to something, WE WILL NOT STOP until we find something. And I found stuff, but nothing that is from our time together. So that’s a good thing. We’re good. And I need to remember that the next time I start freaking out.

Although I also know that guys, if they don’t want to be found out will do everything to not be caught.

So I guess I just have to trust and believe that he is not going to break my heart. Otherwise I know I will never be able to give it to him fully, not that I can physically do this, I know, but just in my mind I need to do this.

rambler out!