Boy, bye.

Soo, my relationship ended after 5 years and 1.5 years of marriage. Yup. Got married, thought it would be forever. Really did. Really believed that shit.

So he asked me on the 25th of December 2014 under the full moon and stars on the Seychelles. I said “you crazy motherfucker” and accepted. 7 months later with all of our friends and family present we said yes to each other. For better or worse, right? Wrong. He left as soon as things got a little tough, he talked himself out of loving me. He told me so. I fought, even when he said he didn’t love me, I put down my pride and fought until I could not fight anymore.

Last year in October I noticed he was turning into a completely different person so putting aside all of my pride and knowing what the outcome would be I asked him: “would you be happier without me?” His answer: “Yes.” And that was that, he left, I “helped” him pack his bag (threw his shit out the door along with him, let my emotions get the best of me there).

That wasn’t the end of it, a month later he contacted me to get the divorce started and I said I was in town so we should meet face to face to talk it out. He came to town and started sobbing and saying that he made a mistake and now that he sees me he realises it and wants me back. I honestly didn’t know what to think, was this too goo to be true, was this what I wanted? I didn’t know, but I knew that my feelings had not gone away, I knew that I still loved him and would try again to make it work. For 7 days we were on cloud 9, we hibernated and just held on to each other as if our lives depended on it. As if we were the only two people left on earth. Then I had to go home because I was celebrating my sister’s 30th and I have never felt such fear in my entire life, like the world was closing in on me. What if he changes his mind again?? I came back to find that my fears were correct. He left me AGAIN, 3 days after coming home, said that in the four days I was gone he hadn’t missed me so that obviously meant that he didn’t love me. I almost laughed out loud when I heard that, wanted to tear his stupid head off but I didn’t. This time I remained calm and just let him walk out, I could not fight for this love anymore. This was the last time he would do this to me.

Wrong again! HAHAHA! I am a sucker for punishment. I moved out of the country and started my life all over again in a new big city, close to my friends and far away from him. 3 months later he writes me an sms asking me if I hated him and if I had completely given up on him. Then he wrote me a novel telling me how much he misses me and wants me back, begging me to take him back. I responded that I didn’t know what to believe at this point, that this wasn’t the first time he’s said something like that so I would need more proof that he’s willing to work on us and himself. He came to the city where I live now and told me he completely changed his mind from the last email he sent. I was stoic and felt nauseous the entire time he was around me, my body was giving me all the signs I needed to let go of him once and for all. I’m done.

boybye