Eager to learn

Watching people reading glossy magazines got me thinking.

I’m not the kind of girl who buys those magazines, unless it’s for a short flight and I know there aren’t any movies available, but when I do I read them like my life depends on it. Like everything that is in them is pure gold and I need to eat the words off the page and absorb them into my skin and keep them there. I now have a tab book marked on my computer for nerve, an online magazine that is not really comparable to any offline magazine. It’s a cynical type magazine about everything you could think of, from romances to fashion and some gossip and other things. It’s really interesting, but just like the glossy magazines it’s about relatable things, things that you can track back to your own life and feel connected. I feel like we only read things that we can relate to and that makes complete sense. I mean why would I want to read something when there is non of me in it. It may sound selfish but I guess that’s the way we are being brought up at the moment. What is best for me, how can I get farther in life, me me me….

I sometimes wish I was as interested in those magazines I used to get as a kid with all the different plants and animals in it. They were magazines I would eat up like the ones today, but only I would learn something from them. I wish I could be one of those people that can sit down with a “National Geographic” and read it cover to cover. And actually read it, not flip through it looking at the pictures and see if there was anything in it that I found fun or terrifying, something that spoke to me on some level.

I feel ashamed when I go into a magazine store and feel myself eyeing the people magazines and really wanting to buy one. So I force myself to go to the tech section and check out what’s coming out, because that’s the only other thing in the magazine store that really interests me. I don’t wanna be one of those chicks. Who cares when which kardashian is popping out another baby??? Who cares who else is getting a divorce, liposuction, boob job or going to rehab. I do. Dammit. I love reading about all the crazy things people with fame and money do. And I always think to myself, if I was that rich and famous I would be the most awesome rich and famous person an everyone would love me because I was so awesome and giving and kind. Aaah. Day dreams ahoy!

So anyway, what I really wanted to say was I wish I was still as eager to learn about good, non-selfish things as I was when I was younger. But I remember getting bored super quick with those learning mags.

Everything’s a competition!!!

In my head there are certain things that happen naturally, for instance breathing is a natural occurrence but if you catch yourself breathing in and out, it’s weird. You’re surprised, “wow. I’m breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Stop thinking about it!!” Haha.. I’m thinking about it now…
So that’s normal. Like chewing and swallowing, that’s normal too. But there’s one thing that happens in my brain, that may not be normal to everyone. I don’t know how long I’ve had this because I’ve only recently started paying attention to it. It is my natural ability to compete with anything and anyone at any possible time. I’ll give you an example to clarify my situation. Let’s say I’m in public and walking up the stairs, and by chance there’s someone who takes the first step up with me at exactly the same time. There’s a trigger in my brain I don’t know what it is or where it comes from but it puts me in competition mode and I need to reach the top of the stairs before this person or I am not a winner. Duh. 😉 So I start rushing up the stairs like a crazy person (this usually happens when I’m on my own by the way, sometimes it happens with people I know) and anyone that I pass on the way I have automatically beaten as well. Then I leave the stairs feeling like a champ because the best thing about these types of competitions is that I always seem to win. There was one time though I think I met a kindred spirit because I could have sworn this guy was racing me a little too. That was a fun trip up the stairs.

I had one of these races once with my sister present and when I reached the top of the stairs (first place of course) I had my victory smile/smirk/look on and she looks at me and goes “Did you win?”
Yes, yes I did. I always win. Because I am a winner! *And the crowd goes wild!*

The thing about these competitions and why I feel like I need to win them is because there are no do overs. You will never be able to recreate any of these competitions, so you HAVE to win! I have to win. Otherwise I am a loser, and I am not a loser. No way Jose. HAHAHAHAHA… I can see how I am coming across now. I’m not crazy, just a little competitive. And who doesn’t like a little competition sometimes?

I think this song makes sense here: