Hello my name is dork and I come from dorkville.
What the fuck is she talking about? You ask…? Well I am a Huuuuuuuge DORK! I know, it’s unbelievable. You can’t even imagine it. But it is true. Sadly.
I have tripped so many times, my knees don’t even bruise anymore. It’s like they’ve said to themselves, why even bother if she’s not gonna learn? And it’s not like I don’t want to learn and don’t want to trip over my own feet. Yes, my own feet, I can’t even blame the bump in the floor or the upturned carpet or other people’s shoes. No it is completely and utterly and stupidly my own fault because for some strange reason, I can’t walk yet. Almost 27 years ago I learned how to walk and I still have so much to learn. I blame my genes but then again, can you really blame genes for not being able to walk??? I hope so, because that’s what I’m doing.
And let’s not even talk about talking to the opposite sex. It doesn’t even have to be a fine specimen. Nope, I will be awkward as fuck to everything with a penis. I have blown bubbles of snot with my nose and sometimes also with my mouth. I have fallen on top of, beside, behind, tripped and on special occasions even smacked men. I am not aggressive and for most of these occurrences I wasn’t even drunk. It’s like my body has a natural aversion to boys.
Praise the lord I have found one as dorky as me. Although he doesn’t trip as much.
Then there’s the pinnacle of awkwardness which come in the form of public speeches or just talking to more than one person in general. I quiet down completely now-a-days because I never know what is going to come out of my mouth. And especially I never know how loud I’m going to be, mostly I am extremely loud.
I remember my most awkward and “special” moment like it was yesterday, I don’t remember exactly what we were doing this for, I think it was my last year of high school assembly or something. But anyways, I was asked to perform on stage with a bunch of guys, rap. Yes people, this little white girl was asked to rap, on stage, in front of people. Not only was I asked to rap but I was asked to FREESTYLE RAP. WTF? Why I agreed is still mystery to me. Not only did I hate being on stage, but I also had no clue how to rap let alone freestyle. I should have written something down before. Eh, hindsight. So there I was on stage, and my “buddy” had just finished rapping and was looking at me like “YO, your turn!” I froze. Petrified. And the beat boxer kept going. I kept repeating the words “I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to say” to the beat. I looked around the room and one guy in the “audience” actually had his hand over his forehead, it was so bad that people didn’t even want to laugh. So bad that they felt sorry for me. Cringe. And then, out of some strange old school part of my strange strange brain came: “wait, breath and stop” Looking back, I should have probably followed these words and not rapped them. Yeah people, that’s what I did. I rapped that. no. no. no. no. no. I have no clue how long I was up there or any recollection on how or when it ended, but I’m still alive!! YAY! And it ended. I know only one thing, I am never ever ever doing that ever again. This girl is just not meant for the rapping world. AH! So sad. Have to give up that dream. Oh well. Nothing lost.
Well there it is, my most embarrassing moment in writing, on the net, for everyone to see. It’s cool though, I know I’m awkward and that’s all that counts. wooooo…..