Big softy

Big softy <——LINK

I have been doing a lot of research on the topic of man and with a lot of research I mean, googling and looking at random articles on the inter webs. I came across this article by an “expert” who claims that we need to show softness and I agree with her to some extent.

Interesting read.

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Perspective

So this is what it comes down to then, how I feel about something is different from how you feel about the same thing. It’s always gonna be like that. No matter what the thing is.

My boyfriend always tells me he loves me more than i love him. I had a whole discussion with him about why he thinks that is the case in mamy heterosexual relationships. “You see” he says staring straight into my eyes. “You can get any guy you want, it’s just easier for girls to get a guy. But for men, well we have to work for it. So when we finally get that girl we want, we cherish and love her more than she loves us. And that’s ok with me.”

Ok I understand what he’s trying to say here and I may even understand why he feels the way we feel. But I don’t agree with it. I think that because we have more choice and it’s easier but we choose to stay with the idiot we decided for makes us love them more. No? Maybe. Maybe not. For now I’m content in letting him believe that he loves me more, I mean what girl is gonna argue with a man over the amount of love he feels for you? That’s just silly. And anyway, we will never be able to feel what another person feels. That is impossible.

triple f

My boy likes three things. Fishing, football and fucking. Now you can guess which, of those three things, I enjoy doing with him the most. I’m not even gonna say it. (I’ll give you a hint, it starts with an F.) Now it’s not that I have a problem with him only liking these things, it just seems that I am giving up a lot of myself to make him happy. And the problem here being that I am not getting very much in return. Not even in the department I enjoy most. Hint: F word. 

Having a sex drive that is higher than that of your partner’s can be frustrating at times, and me being the female part of this heterosexual twosome, makes it even more incomprehensible. I was talking to a friend of mine and she seems to be having the same problem, her boyfriend is tired when he gets home from work so they only do it like once a week. SHOCKER, and I’m complaining about once a day. Hoof. But we seem to have a comparable situation. We’re both not fully employed and our boyfriends are. I feel like boredom frees up too much space in the day so that you are constantly thinking about stuff. 

I am always thinking about way too much. To the point where in one day I will have made wrong decisions about made up arguments in my head about three times. It’s ridiculous. Also, I will have fantasized about different ways to have sex and new positions and places and I don’t know what else, so that by the time hubby arrives home all I want to do is tear him apart with my teeth and scratch up his whole back. But then with less blood and gore. 

So there, I solved a problem for people who are wondering why their sex drive is higher. You are too bored, go outside and play in the sun or some shit. You know, read a book for christ sake. Or….. start a blog. ha. Yes my dear readers, this is my sexual outlet. How dirty do you feel now? 

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Valentine’s Day apart

So this year I will be spending my first Valentine’s Day that I’ve ever been in a relationship apart from my significant other. Now I just wanna get something straight, I do not nor will I ever endorse Valentine’s Day. But I just want him to know that I love and miss him, when I’m living it up in Africa and he’s being a sad little man back here in the cold cold winter. Coldest it’s been in years!! MUWAHAHA. I am evil.

So I wanted to come up with something interesting to do for my man so that he would know that even though I’m gone, I’m still here! (stalker gf image)

I did what any clueless romantic does. I googled my problem, “Valentine’s Day long distance” and the answers that I received were less than helpful and almost vomit inducing. I don’t do scrap booking or mix tape making and I don’t like flowers. So this has proven to be a dilemma in it’s own right. 

I have decided to try and see if I can come up with some of my own original ideas. hmm. 

I want it to be something that he’ll be happy with so I’ll list things he likes.
Something that will show that I pay attention to him.
Something that he can use without me but not something sexual, that would be weird although I’m pretty sure he’s get a kick out of it. 
Or something that we can both do when I get back. Hints to something we’ll do when he gets back… hmm.. I think we’re on to something..

I’ll figure it out later. 

Barf

It makes me so fucking sick when somebody starts on some weird magical journey and has to tell the whole world about it and try to convert everyone to their way of thinking. Shut up. You’ve been doing this new thing for 2 fucking minutes. Talk to me in 10 years, let’s see where you are then. Still living the magical life? 

I’m not saying that people shouldn’t change their life for the better, but this fucking bragging and going on and on about that change just makes me sick. And the ooohs and aaahs from other people, the false sense of purpose it instills and how much time you are consuming reading me your seconds of new found propriety. SHHHH. Nobody really cares. If you do something do it for the one person who actually gives a shit, you. You don’t need to justify your actions to anyone else, you are the only one living with your decision.

If I do something that changes my life in a drastic way I keep that shit to myself.

So shut the fuck up with your holier than thou preaching bullshit.

Thanks.

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secret santa

This year for christmas, in the spirit of giving, my family decided to do a secret santa instead of the usual excessive amounts of gifts under the tree. We all thought it would be good to just have one present under the tree than the usual 5 different ones. It was a good decision, there’s no budget so we can get whatever we want and instead of spending a little on a lot, you guessed it, we can spend a lot on one special person in the family. I have to say, there’s nothing that I want at the moment, I’m disgustingly happy. 

There was one thing that my sister suggested we do though, for our secret santa we have to write a poem or story about them. *barf* I suck at writing. Especially if there’s a task attached to it.

But I’m gonna give it a go here: (Just for your information, my secret santa is my dad.)

Dear Dad,

So many things to say about you and I just can’t seem to find words to formulate them. I don’t know how honest we have to be in this letter so instead of focusing on the past I’m going to focus on the present and everything that is happening now and could happen in the future.
I guess the best way to describe the present is better. Better than before. Maybe not as good as it could be but it’s better. This is not a note to despair on, better is after all better. And better means that the best is yet to come. Something to look forward to, and what is life without something to look forward to? I guess that’s one thing that the past, that I said I wasn’t going to mention, has taught me. You are never done bettering. Besides, how boring would life be if there was nothing to improve on? It’s a way to get by, a way to get closer to the notion of perfection, which is hardly ever reached anyway. 
I guess what I want to say is do what you always tell us to do. Never stop trying to better yourself, in any way you can. Life, family, home, love, friends. Or whatever springs to mind when you hear the word better. 
Remember that the little things count, pay attention to the people who are closest to you, learn to accept the things you cannot change, change things that can be changed. I know from experience that some things are hard to change and it takes a lot of determination to change them but it’s possible. But the hardest part to accept most of the time is that it’s not other people that need to change, it’s you. 

But most of all, be happy. I hope you are happy.

Love you.

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